I can’t spend my life in victim status. I won’t do it.
But I feel so victimized.
Fate/chance [God; He’s always under/behind everything, so I won’t mention Him the rest of the post as a cause] took my mother and hurt my sister, me, and my dad.
Then, my dad quit being a dad and started stealing from my sister and I. That sucked.
Chance/Fate, I get that. It’s supposed to be against you sometimes. But a father is supposed to be for you, not steal from you. That hurt. I was a victim there.
And it took so damn long to address. It was happening over time deteriorating our relationship (the way sin in relationships always does to relationships). And then when it came to my attention and I brought it up, I was branded ungrateful, greedy, and prodigal. Finally, it came to my sister’s attention and tables turned, but justice took so long.
Even in the end, justice wasn’t exacted. Doug was allowed to steal. Our portions were returned minus 6 figures. He walked away.
Then I felt victimized by Don. He lied and manipulated. He screwed us out of a profitable residency/internship leading into a church plant. We bought it hook, line, and sinker. That sucked.
He was supposed to be a man of God, an elder of the church, an administer of God’s grace. Instead he was a wolf in sheep’s clothing feeding on the flock who snarled and bit when fresh meat got close (and threatened to disrupt his feeding ground).
And justice hasn’t come yet.
I’m not sure what to make of the experience or how to move on. But I feel like a victim.
I just can’t spend my life in victim status though. I am morally compelled to move beyond that and do.
What, oh Lord, do you have for me to do? Who, oh Lord, do you have for me to be?
By what means can I discern your answer(s) to this/these question(s)?