Each of My Core Values has a subtitle that describes a litmus test by which I can determine success or failure in that area of life. For this one, it is:

Have regular “free time” and “miscellaneous money” to spend on meeting the needs and wants of my wife.

This Core value and its subtitle are fairly self-explanatory. My choice to marry was/is hugely significant as it impacts my life. Hayley is the person I spend the most time with. She is the one to whom my well being is most intimately tied. She is the person that I have committed myself to. Therefore, it is right that after seeking God and being true to myself, I would seek to serve her. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church… In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.” (Eph 5) This comes with a warning… sometimes, “the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided”. Even Job 2 records an occasion in which Job rebuked his wife and did not honor her wish and “in all this Job did not sin.” That warning heeded – seeking “first the kingdom of God and His righteousness” (Matt 6) – it still remains that “husbands should love their wives” in a unique way so as to model God’s love for the church: unique, specific, transforming, forgiving, unapologetic, exclusive, full, intentional, etc.

Hayley’s primary language for giving and receiving love/affirmation is through quality time. Therefore, I should have regular ‘free time’ and ‘miscellaneous money’ in order to show her love and encourage her to love worthwhile things with (and apart from) me.


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