A Post for… November?

Last night I learned that a person from the real world that knows me found this blog. And admittedly, when I began writing, I assumed that my accountability partners would know about it… and of course, my wife would know about it… but I thought no one else would find it. Mind you, no one except people who know of me in real life could find it since the name of the website/weblog is my name… so, I guess that wasn’t thought through very well…

Anyway, this month has been another month in the “Atlanta Experiment” Yippee!
The best part of this month is knowing that this will be the last month in the experiment. Because next month… the experiment will become our life (I’ll get work in my field and we’ll endeavor to buy a house) or… the experiment will be terminated and we’ll move out of the city to pursue quiet Christian living (that includes child bearing and rearing – with an eye to launching back into the fray at a later date).

So, there is the announcement that I’ve been holding back.

Post for November 16, 2019

I don’t really want to post about the past week. Not because it was bad… or good. I just don’t want to. So, I’m not going to.

Last night, I had some significant difficulty sleep. Maybe that was related to my diet… maybe it was a restless mind… I don’t know. I do know that I was up at 1:30 and not back asleep at 2:30. So, I got up and got onto the computer. Thankfully, I ended up using the time to be productive and before 3:45 rolled around I had headed back to sleeping again (this time, on the couch with sleep-worthy sounds* in my ears).
*I was listening to this debate. I did not make it to the first rebuttal! lol I guess that means I succeeded in my sleeping goal.

After waking up a few hours later, I did some light online reading and went to be with Hayley. We spent some time reconnecting and then came into the study to begin our day together. I had made some plans and Hayley consented to them – she even recommended that we do week two of Financial Peace University to start the morning right. I brewed coffee and we started the lesson. Once we finished it, with our actions steps in hand, we began our day.

We sang psalms, ate a late breakfast, meal planned, started laundry, and texted people to confirm upcoming events. Finally, we parted ways so Hayley could go grocery shopping and I could make progress on personal projects. The first one: writing here.

There’s lots of other things that I want to do also… maybe I’ll write some about that next. Maybe not. Either way, that about sums up the post for November 16, 2019. It’s likely that later in the day, we’ll have Mitch and Lori over for dinner and Mitch and I will slip out to run errands (returning projectors, collecting debit cards, returning dvds & players, etc.) After that… the Lord only knows. Pray that it may be more righteousness and less sin.

Post for Nov 7-9 2019

It has been a very long time since I have made a “post for…” post. And I have no intention of recommitting to an attempt at daily posts. However, as I’ve spent time creating and updating the pages: Every Published Post. and Index, I’ve really grown to appreciate the “post for…” posts. So, I figured that it’d be a good idea to make one as a gift to my future self.

On Thursday November 7, I was in a car accident. It was very minor and I experienced no physical injury. This was the second car accident that I’ve had since moving to Atlanta; the second car accident I’ve had while working for Laughing Pets (on the way to a visit); the second car accident I’ve been at fault for… and frankly, neither was very fun. Thankfully, in both cases, I was not injured and the other driver was not injured. But I can’t help but wonder… have I learned my lesson yet? Am I willing to give up cell phone use while driving… to give up Laughing Pets? I don’t think I am yet. Eventually I will be and I feel myself nudging that direction, but I can imagine a pleasant future that includes my continued working with Laughing Pets.

Although I was in a car accident, it was not the only part of the day. I received a call (out of the blue) from my old pastor, William, and received some hard news that his family is going through… it was good to get to be a friend and to be reassured in believing that he is my friend.
I so miss that church and his family – but especially that church. Worshiping with them was one of the greatest ongoing regular experiences of my life… and I will always be grateful for the role that congregation played in that season of my life.

Additionally on Thursday, Hayley and I had a maritally intense day. We cried together in the morning, cried together in the afternoon, and cried together in the evening.

The final noteworthy thing of Thursday was door-knocking. #ApartmentLife

******

Friday was much, much better. We woke up and drove to LifeGate together since my car was damaged. I stayed with Hayley there catching up on Apartment Life training before heading to visits for Laughing Pets. And I returned (with food) to LifeGate after completing the day’s visits.

When Hayley’s shift came to an end, we returned to Highland Lake and gave a gift of wine to the leasing staff (and checked in to end the week #ApartmentLife), and caravaned up to see Hayley’s family. We dropped my car off for body work with Jason and continued on to dinner with Ange and David. Before dinner, we played with the puppies – I had a great time watching Torvi eat; after dinner we sat in the living room and played on screens and talked. Finally, we headed over to Katie’s to make wreaths and play hide-and-seek with the boys.

We made it home after midnight and went straight to bed.

*****

Saturday, Nov 11 started very slowly. Hayley left to go to Clothes closet and I laid on the couch playing Risk far too long. Eventually, I got up and cleaned the house some and eventually turned to blogging as I am now. Hayley has just made it home and prepared leftovers for lunch. God only knows what we’ll do with the hours He entrusts us with this day. Whatever it is, I pray it is less sin and more righteousness.

When “Post for…” becomes fun stuff.

In a Post for January 22-23, 2016 I wrote, “I regret that I am not writing more fun stuff. I am sure that in due time I will. For now, thanks for reading my daily reports…”

And I have to admit that as someone deeply interested in past Michael Robb… those daily reports really are ‘fun stuff’.

That being said, I know that I have an interest in past Michael Robb that far exceeds the interest of the common person. So, it still stands as stated in my About page – I “created a blog in order to benefit myself…”
If it benefits you too, that’s wonderful.

Post for November 5, 2019

This blog needs a scrubbing.

I’ve been away for quite some time and the posts need review. One of them is particularly cringe-worthy; many of them are remarkably bland; many more ought to be written.

Also, my life needs a scrubbing.

I was thinking about this song I used to listen to that had a chorus “wishing you could see me now; wishing I could show you how… I’m not who I was…” I remembered listening to that song as a late teenager and thinking at the time how I had remade myself and was drastically better “now” than how I was…
But when I relistened yesterday, it was just sad. Because instead of hopeful optimism about who I am now and how much better that is than who I was, I experience despairing pessimism about who I am now and how much worse that is than who I was.
Ultimately, that’s no way to live and I can still imagine a future me that is better than current me, but I’m wishing that you -whoever that is- can not see me now and that you would not see how… I’m not who I was.

I like who I was. I don’t like who I am.

In a week and a half, I’ll commemorate my fifth anniversary with my wife. This has been the hardest year either of us has faced so far.
Moving to Atlanta has been heart-ache upon heart-ache.
Probably the hardest bit for both of us to bear has been the loss of hope.

Here’s to scrubbing.
May we find in the efforts a person worth being and a person worth sharing.

New Post(s)

I have not published (or drafted) anything for this blog in 13 months. Yet, last month there were 7 visitors to this site. I don’t quite know what to make of that. Why were they here? What does this site do for anyone but me? And is it doing anything for me if I’m not engaging with it?

So… this is my new post. I’m going to start using this space again.

More to come.

Not a victim

I can’t spend my life in victim status. I won’t do it.

 

But I feel so victimized.

 

Fate/chance [God; He’s always under/behind everything, so I won’t mention Him the rest of the post as a cause] took my mother and hurt my sister, me, and my dad.

 

Then, my dad quit being a dad and started stealing from my sister and I. That sucked.

Chance/Fate, I get that. It’s supposed to be against you sometimes. But a father is supposed to be for you, not steal from you. That hurt. I was a victim there.

And it took so damn long to address. It was happening over time deteriorating our relationship (the way sin in relationships always does to relationships). And then when it came to my attention and I brought it up, I was branded ungrateful, greedy, and prodigal. Finally, it came to my sister’s attention and tables turned, but justice took so long.

Even in the end, justice wasn’t exacted. Doug was allowed to steal. Our portions were returned minus 6 figures. He walked away.

 

Then I felt victimized by Don. He lied and manipulated. He screwed us out of a profitable residency/internship leading into a church plant. We bought it hook, line, and sinker. That sucked.

He was supposed to be a man of God, an elder of the church, an administer of God’s grace. Instead he was a wolf in sheep’s clothing feeding on the flock who snarled and bit when fresh meat got close (and threatened to disrupt his feeding ground).

And justice hasn’t come yet.

I’m not sure what to make of the experience or how to move on. But I feel like a victim.

 

I just can’t spend my life in victim status though. I am morally compelled to move beyond that and do.

 

What, oh Lord, do you have for me to do? Who, oh Lord, do you have for me to be?

By what means can I discern your answer(s) to this/these question(s)?