Post for February (the huge missing section), 2017

So, I’ve truly neglected this blog – honestly I’ve neglected a lot the last 9 days. It kind of sucks to admit, but I guess that’s part of moving on and practicing self forgiveness. Really, I have no excuse – I just let life get the better of me. I had these two big projects due on Saturday and Sunday respectively and when -on Wednesday- I was looking down the week at them and Hayley’s parents coming into town on Friday and Saturday, I got scared. I froze up.

I was in a not awful place because I had worked so hard to get a lot of the normal week work done earlier, but I was choked and just didn’t do any homework. I found every legitimate excuse to not do the very thing I knew I should do and then when those things weren’t enough – I played a video game.

Anyway, I finished the project due on Saturday, but on Sunday the same thing happened. I resolved to work and showed up in the office and plotted what steps I would need to take to finish… and I didn’t take a single step. I just let the project sit there looming and untouched. Finally, 2 am rolled around and it was an hour passed the deadline and I walked home a failure.
It felt so awful to not do what was the right thing to do. To not even try.

So Monday rolls around and in my infinite (that’s hyperbole at use) wisdom (and… that’s sarcasm at use) I decided to not do the assignment at all. To make matters worse, this project is a hug portion of my grade and this is phase two out of three – so eventually it will need done if I hope to do the project in its entirety.
The way in which I succeeded in not doing the assignment (there’s a theme) was through distraction and isolation. I knew what I was doing (or not doing) was the wrong choice so I did my best to distract myself so that my attention would not fall to this area and convict me. Likewise, I did my best to not report my daily time investments so that no one else attention would fall to this area and have opportunity to convict me.

Compounding, that last step: isolation, was hurting my wife. She didn’t understand why I didn’t want to share with her and I didn’t want to tell her, so I would retreat and get defensive. It was horrible. I was neglecting her and even lashing out when she got too close.

I’m not sure what woke me up. I’m not totally sure I have. But I hope I have. I don’t like that version of myself and I see that it was me all along causing the problem(s). Unfortunately, I can’t change the past. I can’t make up the lost time. I can only confess and repent – turn around and start walking the other direction.

May the Lord grant us grace to confess and repent. May we be people who confess and repent of our own might. May we after confessing and repenting recognize our own efforts (because we did the work) and acknowledge the Lord’s sovereignty (because He did the work).

This has been a post for Feb 15-17, 20-24. Published Feb 25, 2017.

Post for February 13-14, 2017

So, How did I feel about the time spendature of Monday and Tuesday? Really good.

I worked very hard academically on Monday and got a lot of work done. I also went to work out at the gym. We also went to marriage counseling (down to once a month now, and next one will be our last – I’ll have to write about that sometime). And I had a Skype date with Ron. All in all, it was a full day and I’m glad to have made it through.

On Tuesday, I honored Valentine’s Day with Hayley rather well – we went for Indian food and I was sweet to her. I probably should have given her flowers or a card, but I missed the opportunity. I probably should do those things all the time though. As for non-Hayley aspects of the day, I did a ton of homework and attended Church staff reviews.
The review went really well and if I make it through this week academically, I want to post a copy of the talking points and my answers. It was really good to connect with Pastor William again and do the self-assessment needed to have that meeting. Also, it was good to review my tentative future plans with someone older and currently working in vocational Christian ministry.

As always, thank you for reading. Please feel free to comment. Do you have any Valentine’s Day stories? Do you do any work related review? Non-work related review?

Post for February 1,2, and 3, 2017

In my most recent post, I quoted from the one prior and then prayed that I would write Wednesday, Thursday and Friday (Feb 1,2, and 3) as aligns with the initial goals of this blog and still my current desire. Yet, three days later… I didn’t write. What does that imply about the nature/success/value of my short, but sincere prayer? Does it imply anything about the recipient of the prayer (God) or the giver of the prayer (me)?

Fortunately, I won’t try to answer those right now. I guess they will stay pending as the Trinity thoughts alluded to in the last post. (I also think there is a pending notecard update as well.)

Anyway, the task at hand is a review of how I feel I used these days. Wednesday I am especially proud of. I worked hard and efficiently and got a lot done. Thursday I’m not as proud of (because of how awesome Wednesday was), but I did attend to Mitch, CBI, homework, and evening activities. So, in that way, I was proud of my efforts despite not knocking it out of the park with regard to school. Last, Friday was only mostly good. It was the second day that I had started with little sleep due to an excited cat in the middle of the night. However, I did lots of homework, ended with time with Dalton and Holly, learned how to link posts (like this link to the archive of all posts), and attended a workout. The reason Friday only gets a mostly good rating is because I also played a video game and despite this not being immoral, it was kind of stupid given that I’ve been (and still am) behind on homework, despite closing the gap signifcantly. So, I should have spent the time more productively… in my estimation, but maybe gaming was just the right thing even though I don’t yet perceive why. Maybe not. More unanswered questions… alas. If you’re reading this, what sorts of unanswered questions do you still have? Do you want an answer? (Do you have answers to my questions?)

 

Post for January 26, 27, 30 and 31, 2017

I could quote from the “Post for January 24-25”. In fact, I will:

When I started this blog I was so certain that I would write everyday. And as I’ve articulated┬ánumerous time, the goal is for me to help myself and give structure to my life in a way that allows for connection with other people and resources for my future. The daily post play into that, because they help my partners in accountability to see the comings and goings of my life and also help me to have a record for tracking emotional seasons if ever the need arises. Therefore, it is still my desire to write M-F at least.

But alas, here I am noticing six days later that I didn’t write M-F. Today is Tuesday and I didn’t write at all since I first penned these words. I guess I need to rededicate this to the Lord and try again. So, I pray that the Lord will grant me success in writing on this blog each day until and including Friday. I pray that prayer in the name of Jesus and with the Holy Spirit in my heart.

If I’m fortunate, more on the trinity to come also. For now though, thanks for reading.

Post for January 24-25, 2017

When I started this blog I was so certain that I would write everyday. And as I’ve articulated┬ánumerous time, the goal is for me to help myself and give structure to my life in a way that allows for connection with other people and resources for my future. A daily post plays into that, because posts help my partners in accountability to see the comings and goings of my life and also help me to have a record for tracking emotional seasons if ever the need arises. Therefore, it is still my desire to write M-F at least.

In regard to the 24th and 25th, I am very proud of how I spent my days. I spent them trying to purchase a property. Lord knows whether we will succeed or not. And I spent them trying to do homework. So far, I have kept pace with the daily assignments, but have not gotten ahead nor begun to address the larger projects. It is my eager hope that I will succeed in making headway on larger projects this week and will also stay on top of daily assignments so that there is reason to hope to get ahead in all school related endeavors next week.

 

Post for January 22-23, 2017

I regret that I am not writing more fun stuff. I am sure that in due time I will. For now, thanks for reading my daily reports I send via form and checking in to see the qualitative bit, “how do you feel about the use of your day?”. Truly, I am blessed to have your commentary in my life.

These past two days have been great. I’ve worshiped at my local church and really served to add to the worship service there. I’ve gotten time alone with my wife and shared meals and conversation. I’ve Skyped with two of my most dear friends. And I’ve finally completed last week’s homework. Also, I’ve attended an inspection on the house I hope to buy. Oh, and a tree limb fell on our only working car. It still works but has a few small dings now.

All in all, these days have represented a great deal of work and progress and blessing of the Lord.

For the next few days, there are a lot of tasks at hand, like:

  • going through mail and paying bills
  • getting my car with the dead battery fixed/up and running
  • addressing the important relational schematic
  • doing the tons of homework assigned
  • completing the People of Crosspath article and planning the next one
  • finishing the closing on the house
  • take my car for emissions testing
  • update my car’s tags
  • update my address on my license
  • make headway on my list of to-do/notecards

Lord willing, I will succeed and get to tell you all about it. For now, qualitative reports M-F.

Post for January 19-21, 2017

Gentlemen. I told you how -now that school has started- I intend to write to you each day in my post for January 8-18. That is still true. But boy has school started strong! Because I was out of town Monday 4:00 AM- Wednesday 4:00 PM, I didn’t really start my school work until the Thursday the 19th. And when I did, I discovered that the first week was no pushover. I’ve been trying to do my readings so that I can turn in at least one assignment and so far have failed two days in a row. That being said, last night I was getting close and I am certain that if the Lord wills, today will bring success.

So, if for some reason you’ve taken to reading my posts as soon as they go up, pray for me that the Lord will give me success in my studies this day. I’ll tell you all about it on the form – and possibly here if it goes so well I can turn to a bit of blogging also.

I love you dearly and am grateful for our partnership in the gospel.